It’s been a long time coming for me to write this post. Last year almost feels like an asterisk in my life. It was like everything we knew as normal was no more. The way we do almost everything had to be changed or modified. It felt like every week there was a new discovery with the v!rus…C0vid.
My life was turned upside down. So many things were highlighted and magnified including death, the fragile nature of an economy fueled by capitalism, and the reality that we really were dealing with an unstable inept man attempting to lead an entire nation during a pandemic. And finances? With jobs and income being uncertain so were finances. Some people were able to use it as an opportunity to be in a better place than before. Some people are just thankful enough to have survived.
I saw friends lose family to C0vid. I saw friends just lose parents and loved ones to sickness and death that were unrelated to the v!rus. Relationships that were on life support crumbled around me-including a friendship that I treasured with my best friend of 16 years. When people are forced to go inward they either do the work for healing or they continue to remain stagnant. If you’re not moving closer and forward together-eventually you will probably move apart. It was an immense amount of grief for anyone to handle. Depression didn’t just knock on my door last year…she moved in and took up residence in my life.
The biggest thing 2020 and the beginning of 2021 showed me was that life is short. I learned to stop wasting time dreaming and spend time doing. I’d had this pressing desire to do quite a few things prior to the onset of the pandemic, but most of it was just that-desires. During my times of reflection in the midst of my up and down moments in depression I began to see some things with more clarity. Over the course of my life I’ve been a people pleaser and as a mom that means I naturally take even more of a backseat to everyone else’s desires and opinions. However, that changed last year as it revealed to me that it’s impossible to give my best full and healthy self to others if I’m not giving that to myself first. That caused the nature of many of my relationships to change, but it helped me understand who was in my life for what they could get out of me and who was in my life because they enjoy my company.
As sobering as my reflections were I honestly feel like I was blessed. Sometimes we refuse to see what’s true and right in front of us. I think the truth revealed itself to quite a few people last year. Slowing down and the uncertainty of 2020-early 2021 forced me to decide what I truly value and what I can and cannot live with. I spent valuable time making memories with my children. We even decided to homeschool my son. Lol-that was an adventure in itself, but it taught me quite a bit.
Over the last few months i’ve had to choose my mental health and healing my past trauma over doing business the way I did in the past. It’s been hard, but I think this is the work necessary to be a healthier person and to run a better business in the future. Thank you for the ones who have been patient and supported me throughout. I know it’s hard to know what’s going on behind the scenes, but I appreciate yall nonetheless.
I hope the remainder of 2021 is a great year for everyone.